Run for the hills or reflect?

The other week I was at an external committee meeting. I remember feeling quite uncomfortable as it progressed. Not the kind of discomfort you feel when learning a new skill or subject, but the kind that makes you want to run for the hills and hide for a very long time! It’s unusual for me to feel such intense unease and as the alarm bells were ringing in my gut, I started to reflect on why I was feeling this way.

Reflection is a powerful tool but with so many models of reflection to choose from, which one should you use? Unless you’re writing for a PGCert or Masters, does it really matter? Surely it depends on the depth of reflection required, whether the incident is critical or not, and what you want to gain from unpicking it. Is it enough that you are reflecting and thinking about situations to draw out some learning, rather than rigidly following a model? Diaries and journals after, all have been around for centuries (e.g. Samuel Peyps). Does it matter how we reflect, or the way we do it, if the outcome is the same?

I don’t have the answer. I do have a list of models which might be of use if you've never come across them before (unlikely if you work in education). The list is by no means exhaustive: There's the Gibbs reflective cycle (1988), Kolb's reflective cycle (1984), Schön's model (1991) and Driscoll's model (1994). In summary, Gibbs' reflective cycle (1988) is designed to lead you through different stages to make sense of an experience and plan from things that either went well or didn’t go well and has 6 stages; (1) Description (2) Feelings and thoughts (3) Evaluation (4) Analysis (5) Conclusion (6) Action plan. Kolb’s reflective cycle (1984) shows that “Learning is the process whereby knowledge is created through the transformation of experience” (Kolb, 1984, p. 38). It starts with the concrete experience (doing/having an experience), moves round to reflective observation (reviewing/ reflecting on the experience) then to abstract conceptualisation (concluding/learning from the experience) until active experimentation (planning/trying out what you have learned) and then you start the cycle again. The Schön model (1991) presented the concept of 'reflection in action' (experiencing, thinking on your feet, what to do next, acting immediately) and 'reflection on action' (thinking about something that has happened, how you would do it differently next time, taking your time). And, finally, Driscoll’s (1994) model, which contains three elements of reflection: 1. WHAT? A description of the event, 2. SO WHAT? An analysis of the event and 3. NOW WHAT? Driscoll adds trigger questions matching the 3 stages of the experiential learning cycle to what was Borton’s model from the 1970’s. It offers a framework for entering a more meaningful exploration.

There are other models, too many to go in to here, some depend on discipline (specific models designed for healthcare professionals, for example). I prefer to use a simple model and tend to naturally lean towards Kolb. I have the experience, I reflect on it, work out what I’ve learnt about myself, the situation and others, then I put into practice what I’ve learnt.

Going back to the committee meeting then (the experience), through the process of breaking it down I have learnt that I was uncomfortable because I wasn’t able to contribute meaningfully to the discussions, that I was out of my depth and that I didn’t belong there. I realised that it was because I don’t have the relevant credentials, experience or contacts to validate my position on that committee and to a certain extent, I felt I was being humoured (albeit kindly) by colleagues. I’ve learnt that I’m able to step back and question how I’m feeling, why I’m feeling like that and what I can do to make it better/change it. I even asked myself if I was suffering from imposter syndrome but realised, as Amy says in the Big Bang Theory: ‘it's called imposter syndrome, and you don't have it, because you can't have it if you ARE imposters, and you ARE!!!’ (Thanks Andy Davidson for reminding me of this episode). I’m no longer in a world where my work is central to that of this committee, my role has changed significantly over the last 2 years which means I am only operating on the fringes of their work. I’d volunteered to join them in the hope that it would keep my hand in and help me retain/further develop an identity that is not currently viable or possible and more importantly, not relevant anymore.

So how did I put into practice what I’d learnt? I sense-checked with a good friend and colleague, whom I trust and respect. Gathering others views and opinions can sometimes help take out any emotion in the event, but isn’t strictly part of Kolb’s cycle, but a useful tool all the same. And the active experimentation bit, or in this case, my plan - resign from the committee, accept that my identity has changed and embrace it, move forward with it, start to establish a new one as that level of discomfort (far more than a chick pecking at the shell) doesn’t serve me or bring me joy. By stepping away I enable someone else with more experience, the relevant knowledge and identity to add value to the work of this committee.

Am I a failure, admitting defeat or a coward? I don’t think so, recognising your own abilities and limitations is a strength. If anything, the penny dropping about the possibilities will create space for new and more exciting opportunities to come my way. I can already feel a shift happening in conjunction with learning more about Social Leadership (Stodd, 2016), the writing of these blogs, as well as other changes that are coinciding with the realisation. I needed to go through the experience and reflect on it to realise all of this though.

Being a reflective practitioner is more than just learning about your practice and your developmental needs. It helps you to be authentic, learn about your identity, who you are or want to be. It doesn't matter what model you use, if you use part of one and part of another or if it's unstructured and haphazard. What does matter is that you take the time to sit back, review the bigger picture and situation and work out what's happened and what you can do/want to do.

How this unfolds for me, well I guess we watch this space.

Reference list

Borton, T. (1970) Read, touch, and teach: Student Concerns and Process Education, New York: McGraw Hill, Inc

Driscoll, J., and The, B., (2001) The potential of reflective practice to develop individual orthopaedic nurse practitioners and their practice, Journal of Orthopaedic Nursing, Harcourt Publishers Ltd

Gibbs G (1988). Learning by Doing: A guide to teaching and learning methods. Further Education Unit. Oxford Polytechnic: Oxford.

Kolb, D. A. (1984). ‘Experiential learning: Experience as the source of learning and development’ (Vol. 1). Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall.

Pepys., S., (1660). ‘The Diary of Samuel Pepys’ http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/historic_figures/pepys_samuel.shtml [last accessed 13/6/19)

Solent Online learning, How to think reflectively https://learn.solent.ac.uk/mod/book/view.php?id=2732&chapterid=1113 [last accessed 11/9/19)

Stodd., J., (2016).’The Social Leadership Handbook’, (2nd Ed). Sea Salt Learning, The Printing House, London/Chester

The Big Bang Theory - “The Laureate Accumulation ” - S12E18 - OAD 04/04/2019 https://the-big-bang-theory.com/quotes/episode/1218/The-Laureate-Accumulation/ [last accessed 11/6/19]